I don’t mean to post so much. Really, I should be enjoying my non-baby life with Don while I can, especially on a free Saturday night. And maybe it’s hormones I don’t fully understand quite yet. But I am one scared momma-to-be.
Don and I had a relaxing day today… went to a new grocery store that opened up by our house, had a quick trip to Costco and then came home and vegged and napped and vegged and napped. I spent most of my day on the couch, blankets and pillows abound, laptop in, well, my lap, trashy reality television to keep me company and dogs carefully snuggled as close to me as possible. While this sounds nice and what should be relaxing, why did I spend my day researching how difficult it will be to be a mom of twins? All while Don is looking up new pancakes at IHOP and oohing and ahhing over those like NOTHING is going on in our world to be worried about. Is this just hormones?
I don’t want to say that I don’t want twins. I feel especially blessed and have a zillion reasons why I should be excited, but I can’t help but put all the reasons why I shouldn’t be excited first. Will I ever get to leave the house, comfortably, once the babies come? I think about spending the next however many weeks feeling fat, sick, tired and scared. I think about how it will never be just one sick kid, but two, and not one diaper to change or one baby to feed or one colic-y child to soothe back to sleep. And what about all the things we’ll need… two cribs, two highchairs, twice the amount of diapers and formula and clothes and toys and so on and so on? How am I supposed to deal with all of this while trying to run a company from a home office?
Someone, please, just tell me this is pregnancy hormones at their finest. I know I sound ridiculous. Just need to kinda get used to this whole having insta-family in a few short months. And breath.